I miss how happy I was without even trying . I miss that girl.
I miss family. I miss hugs. I miss cooking for people and I still cook too much for myself you don’t even want to see my freezer of baggies!😂
I cry a lot and I feel like what do I have to loose if I voice anger or TRUTHS..? I get it off my chest and I cry then I am back up and ready for a bad nights sleep and anxiety! It’s really great. I have to get things off my chest and it’s how I feel and I voice the truth! It calms me...
I Get to meet with new therapist next week maybe he or she can give me something to numb myself and my thoughts... she’s got the goodies!! (Ohhh thank God Jamie your a hot fucking mess!!) 🤪🤪🤪
It’s Friday at last and kiddo will be home soon from her school day so a good bath and get her fed and off she goes to Dads... And Tater Tots house... Does she really think she has Mom skills?? 😂🤣😂🤣😂 I did keep busy today doing more laundry, grabbing lunch that made me totally sick to my stomach and grabbed Madies usual script at CVS.. while waiting for idiots in their cars to get tested for the Rona... I got really annoyed and just wanted these idiots out of my way so I could take 2.5 minutes to grab Madies med.... I was like omg if you THINK you have the Rona go to the walk in or the ER get your shit out Of the CVS drive thru!!! Maybe these are just paranoid people?? Not saying Rona is a joke
Later ****
Sorry had a break it’s about dinner time now and I’ve got yet another killer pot of spaghetti sauce going for 12 people but it’s just me... omg it’s so good 😊 Cooking really chills me out and I tend to hoard food in my pantry when I get too many ideas!! I’m no Ina Garten who has her own gourmet farm (her recipes can get expensive but ohhhh that oven roaster is the BOMB) I just really enjoy and it makes me happy even for just a moment My Sketti sauce is my own btw...
It’s already getting dark out and the usual smells Of Fire pits and the noise of my neighbors table saw fill the air lol (he makes furniture and re furnishes stuff too) Doesn’t bother me... it’s just a warm night in Cville best little town ever.
I remember being heartbroken when the families house sold they were just so anxious to get rid of it and move to the fancy beach...
No one told me about it and I cried... I used to go in and out of that house like I lived there... my home life with my Uncle was hard and I felt like I had new family.. I’m sure I’ve startled a few In their pajamas 🤣 I would have lived in a van down by the river to keep us together it didn’t matter! Sure beach houses are great who doesn’t want one of those! But in the end I felt just abandoned.
I gave them all that beautyful little girl and no one even asks me how I’m doing once in awhile.... cause ohhh life is so great now who’s that off her rocker woman no one talks about anymore..??? That’s SO how it is or how it feels anyway...Out of sight out of mind is Me.
I guess I am done speaking my mind tonight I really just want to ZOOM meet with some folks in an hour and probably watch a movie too.... at night I put my ocean waves on and I can sleep till 4am most nights before I wake up with anxiety 🤪
Be well everyone and I promise my blog will get better but I thank you for just letting me get feelings off my chest....
Madie is superb and back to school with her buddies it warms my heart how happy she is to be back
Me
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