Im still breathing!
I have learned that I do in fact have one reader still. LOL
Let be begin by saying its been a FEW yeARS!
That last post was done less than a month before I decided to change my life forever! By change my life I dont mean come out of any closets or decide to be dude or shave my head... (that may be hot..)
"I am Jamie and I am an Alcoholic" had to come out of my mouth. YEP mama quit the sauce! The Ol Pino Grigio that kept me fueled for YEARS..
I dont know if I can be brutally honest about the turn of events that had me against the wall of utter defeat but it was alot.. And my ass was DONE! The absolute FEAR that overcame me was something I can never describe... I knew I had to get my shit together... BUT the ABSOLUTE JOY that has been brought on my sobriety has been the best I have felt in my mental health in YEARS! I celebrate 3 years and 4 months so far. And as long as Im here im never going back to that mess.
Madie will be 18 in October! 18! that magic year when kids go off to college and or go get a JOB and move out of home.. That magic age when you can no longer get stuff or be on Mom and Dads car insurance.. GURL when I was 18 I was FAR from being an adult! My sweet girl is only 80 pounds and to me is always a baby! To say that the future scares the shit out of me is an understatement.. The state of CT will school her during the day at a program of our choosing till she is 21 so I am NOT in full panic mode yet... These things have to be figured out and for me and my crazy overthinking mind its a Mortality Check! Im "only" 46 now and hell or broken backs I am going to haul this kid as long as I can. But the back is NOT happy these days and its not getting easier..
If anyone is still following seizures well Kiddo has been fairly good... We always just try to give her meds within certain times and so far well... shes been OK...not free but OK goooood!
How do I even sum up the last 3 years??
I survived. I survived and got thru alot. I even fell for a grade A Narcissist as well! That was fun trauma bond to get thru! But I did NOT drink over it. Its been a year since I have even laid eyes on him and for that I am so grateful.
Dad is doing good as much as I know anyways lol Re-Married and everything... I took it really bad I wont lie but when I began to work on myself I can honestly see now that 1. Shes not as weird as I thought 2. Shes not a boozer 3. She loves Madie too... I can honestly say that I am at peace with it... Who the heck knows where my partner in crime will be... Im OK with just working on my own shit right now...
((hold music playing))
SO here we are... all this time later and spring is on horizon and kiddo is good...Im Good! I have my moments but Im human...sometimes I dont know where to go with all that is in my head these days.. I will try to jump on here more or maybe think of a new blog? I dunno... lol
Till we meet again! heres some pics cause I KNOW you are sweating for them.
ME
xoxoxo
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