Thursday, June 7, 2018

Feeling Good!! Whats a little herniated disk? lol

Im not gonna lie back surgery was scary.
I havent blogged in like 300 years uncertain if I even have readers anymore. My back is just about good as new with a nice scar on my lower back to remind me how strong I was.
I recovered on my own and I will never forget that. WITH Madie by my side...
I dont  like to think about the pain that I was in it was by far the worse pain of my life. And yet, I did it. I am a tougher person because of it...I dont give in.
Hospital stay was ok in beginning when I had my own room then at like 1am they move me to a shared room for the rest of my stay... It was crazy that the pain I was in for 2 months was not radiating down my leg anymore....It still hurt to lay on my so I was on my side but man... That surgeon is my hero... and to him its just another of thousands of backs he has operated on.
I was at the hospital by myself and if it wasnt for the nice nurses and me texting friends I would have been a wreck. When my friend came to pick me up and bring me home she left me a delicious lasagna and I went to bed... I slept all day. Slept like I had not slept in weeks....Oh yeah... I hadnt.

I am back moving around on a numb foot but dont have the pain I had. Amen. And for a gal with state paid insurance I was ALL covered!! I have talked to people in the UK and they wait weeks just to get in to SEE the doctor and alot of them are just taking like 12 painkillers and living with the pain that I "only" had for 2 months. It was last 2 weeks I had my MRI, my diagnosis, my neurosurgeon refferal and appointment, my pre op physical and my surgery! I have a new respect for people with cronic pain that is for sure. I am also very blessed to live in the US....

ANyhoo.... I guess all is going... Been home with my love bug for almost 2 weeks with this bad fever virus whatever it is... fluid in her ear?  She is on second antibiotic and so far today (since first dose Monday night) she had woken up with no fever....But is still very sleepy...trying to be patient but I miss my silly girl and want her better so badly! Sure has been a test of strong single motherhood thats for sure. I have come to grips that no family close by is going to help me anymore... And ya know what?? I DO IT. SOmehow I am still standing... Even a simple "heard ya had surgery can we help?" Would have meant alot.
OhWell.

So kiddo is on the mend and I am doing well. Looking forward to a BBQ Saturday with my peeps..:) I will make some pasta salad. Also I have to add that my recovery was also made possible by good friends...seriously dont know what I would have done without my handfull of peeps...and of course my family checking in on me and calling me :) It really makes me lucky.. Madie and I are two lucky Gals. lol
Heres a few pictures if you dont have me on FB... (before sickies of course)


 What a stinker. lol has been gorgeous weather lately too! The warm days and cool nights rock! The school year is almost over and we will certainly go to our favorite pond and enjoy  the sunshine! Then Mid July summer program starts for 4 days a week half days which is nice as it still keeps her going to school routine but its easy and still gives me a little time in the mornings... I like it. Hopefully by saturday she will be feeling more herself!  All kinds of fun stuff at school going on... Ice Cream parties, Tie Dye shirt day, Pizza parties, Movies... Get well kiddo! 
hope everyone is well and hangin in there! I am feeling pretty good... a little pooped out from nursing kiddo but shes my sweet girl and I tell her that Mom has her good and tight. XO But no heavy lifting.... haha

Monday, March 19, 2018

5 more days...

Five more days till my back surgery... Now I have heard all kinds of things like OH should have gone to Chiropractor...Should have tried this med or that med...
JUST GET THE THING OUT. Lets move on with life already and nip this shit in the butt! This pain is nuts. I dont know how long I will have to recover and I know that I need to NOT lift Madie for awhile... I am having this done on  Friday and most likely wont have any extra time off from kiddo so its back to motherhood Sunday night!! I dont think I could be any worse than I am now...
I will have help on the weekend immediately following but not durring the week...
I know its Awesome...

SO anyhoo.... another day closer to hopefully some comfort.
Not much else to ramble about...Just updating.

me 

Sunday, March 11, 2018

PAIN management by myself...101

Kiddo will be home in about a couple hours and I figured why not post...

I'm not going to lie I have been having a hard time... and having no one to help me is probably worse than this pain .. 1 trip to the walk-in, 1 trip to Urgent Care, 2 ER trips, 1 physician trip, 1 x ray, 1 MRI  later I have a herniated disk in my back that is pressing on a nerve. 3 failed muscle relaxers, 3 anti inflammatory, Advil, Aleve, and even a med that is prescribed for Seizures that they said would calm the nerve....
THIS pain...heading into week 4. No extra help. I am so over this pain.
Tomorrow I am going to a nuero surgeon to see what  he has to say and I will BEG him for the steroid shot... even if it gives me a few days relief it will be worth every second till I can get a grip on this... OH and don't forget the Physical therapy that they signed me up for I call "Lets fuck around with what is bothering you and really flare it up" sessions....
I have no idea how I have managed... I just have. when I am given no choice but to just jump head first I jump. 
I am unable to get Madie upstairs to her bed so we are camping out downstairs on a futon cushion and I cannot get her in and out of the bath so those are few as well... I am beyond over this.
It hurts allot that no one in my CT family has offered to help me even for a day to maybe get kiddo in the bath or drive me to an appointment... I will forever remember this.
I had to Uber myself to my MRI which really worked out well...its cheap and they cars are nice and clean and drivers are friendly...  I  also can call my insurance that offer MEDcabs... a free ride to appointments! BUT it has to be done 48 hours in advance...DOH. But I noted that and WILL use it... Pretty awesome.
SO.... I dunno.. Its hard to sum up past 3 weeks... I have been brought to the point of tears and laying in the fetal position from this pain.. with no help.
I called up a nursing  agency and they have not been helpful in finding me a home health aid... I am trying not to give up on  that.. Its just hard to focus on anything but getting rid of this pain right now so I can function.

For the record this by no means makes me incapable of caring for Madie... I hurt myself and I am trying get better I am human. I am not invincible. I need help with Madie SO I can focus on myself and getting better! This is very frustrating.
I want to hug my sweet girl, lift her in the air, carry her to her bed, give her a bath, ...Boy did I take that for granted. My body can only do so much...its been nearly 5 YEARS on my own with Madie it was bound to happen... I am strong and I will figure this out.
I wanted so badly for Dad to help... an extra day, early pick up, offer to take her to school, offer to take a long weekend,even just ask how I was feeling once in awhile and if I needed anything simple like Milk or a sandwhich! I dunno show any compassion.... But I have shouted and begged to a brick wall...
I'm clearly on my own.

I'm over it I get the drift....
Tomorrow I hope to achieve some relief... I am going to beg or maybe I cry hard enough? I don't know what expect but if I leave appoint no worse off I dunno what I will do from there...

Anyhoo....
on the upside I lost a few pounds and have steered clear of booze...which both feel really good.
I am a tough cookie... I feel like I have been thru worse and I am keeping my wits..dammit.
A good friend from the ville is driving me to my appoint tomorrow since when I drive it presses right on the nerve and feels like fire.. I am so thankfull for good friends...SERIOUSLY.. Id be even more lost!

Kiddo is good BTW... she is her usual little nutty self.. getting her off to school in the morning is very painful but I have somehow...
She has a big field trip to NYC Natural History Museum next week and it kills me that I probably wont make it... BUT ya never know.
Confrences this week too which I never understood I mean isnt a PPT enough? Is there more to talk about?
I hope everyone is well... If I can hang in YOU can hang in...I will keep posted more often and hopefully my next post I will be feeling alot better! Now to work on winning a million dollars!

A gal can dream.

Me

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Holly Jolly Christmas. Over at last.

Im no famous author by no means.... I wish I could write a book of my life...filled with humor and sadness and good times and bad..
Its tempting. with my laptops spacebar needing an agressive TAP to work it may take awhile..

Its another offensively cold day in my neck of the woods... just started to pour down more icey goodness..I always say that I am having my LAST winter in this duplex and each year I end up sticking around...I have made this place and this town home...I want to stay within its limits but its looking more and more like that may be a tad tricky. Madie is pushing 50 pounds and my back and sciatic nerve pain is pushing zero. I dont know how much longer I can manage lifting her on my own. I am bummed they dont have rental studs who can come and help shirtless with all manual labor...LOL  A gal can dream..😜
No really..how much longer? Just getting her in and out of car is oooooFFF  tricky.  If I won a million dollars I would get a new SUV for sure. And a one story house in the country with a awesome garden of veggies and flowers. Oh and kitties...lol Outside ones that could just hang out on the porch and still be safe... Madie would have an awesome school with programs for her and therapies galore and of course lots of her favorite fun things...water play and lots of music. XO And ya know, maybe even have a loving partner... I miss being married alot.. the safeness of it. knowing that you had someone to share your days with.

Okay well when I come back to reality I willl let you know.
SIgh...
In Madie bugger news she has been good... There has been a tough time finding her a new Para at school which is tough when its coming to communications... Its like "Oh but I told so and so" and did they tell so and so? lol  They are all trying to scramble together and always help madie and there is never a doubt that they care its just a little disorganized sometimes..I try to keep her  notebook up to date but sometimes we are scrambling in the morning to get moving.. Story of my mornings.
She is good. Still with Dad on weekends... He tends to go missing on weekends but I try to pry anything out of him on occasion to see how kiddo is doing... Its frustrating but when has he ever been a big talker..
Been trying to sell my engagement ring... I get very gung hoe on just SELLING then when it comes down to it I cry and get too sentimental would love to get 1000 bucks for it... I have been offered anywhere from 250-400... Now I just beg for 500! Its insane. I think I am stuck like glue to this ring that I had hoped one day to wear again... I had it cleaned but to buff the scratches would cost at least 100 bucks! I have had it one Fb market, LetGo, and to a few jewelers and pawn shops accross towns.. Maybe it would help me emotionally to just part with it.. Like a chapter I can close the book on?? The money would certainly help me just pay some bills early and get a break from them next month to CHILL...  Oh I dunno..
Its been a thing on my mind for awhile. my bills are ok but they can be better...
Well I hope we all survived the holidays! As usual I was not invited to any CT family christmas but I did get an invite from some great friends in town...
THIS year Dad said he was driving to New Jersey ON Christmas which I automatically assumed was a lie to get madie home early and go to some party with some chick or get out of having her for his families party...Why would he do that I ask mysef... That cant be true..
I had for once been invited to a friends (nice couple I know in town was doing dinner) I wanted night to have an adult party so badly I ached. I could not understand why he had to so desperate to drive to Jersey of all places ON christmas..what Job does that? I will most likely never know the full deal on that... I ended up bringing Madie with me to my gathering and of course she and I were more than welcome! It was so so nice of them to invite me and be cool with madie coming along... It was not ideal but it was MY christmas and it was the closest thing  to CT family I could get. I felt blessed. I was happy that night with a small bunch of us.. It was a Christmas where I was welcome and it was all I could ask for. He never even apoligized for the whole thing...
That is all I have to say about Christmas. Onward to Easter.

I found a home for the bird about a week ago as well! A School for troubled kids, foster kids, DCF kids... They have a farm there that the kids help on..Its a really great cause and I nice campus... Birdie will be hanging with 3 other birds in her cage now... Maybe she will stop being so hormonal and making out with her food dish...EW! I felt a little freaked out about leaving her but at same time the last thing I need is a bird! I hope they give her Broccoli treats and cheerios she liked those things. I dumped my vaccume canister and boy there were alot of seed in there... Adios Millie Bird.
My Favorite picture of the little Jerk.

I dont think there is anything else I can ramble about today..
My cat has been driving me nuts lately...only eating the gravy part of his food, peeing on the floor, and going crazy when his food is all dried out..I seriously cant afford to feed this cat anymore... I have tried alot of brands of food and still just eats the gravy. As far as the peeing goes I really have no idea! he made a bathroom out of the canopy for Madies wheelchair I had to throw it away..and underneath the wood floor was ruined.. I cleaned it up and put a puppy pad down... Till he finds a new place... I just dont get it. How stressful IS his life? Never had a cat do things like he does...

On that note I a tired of typing and my fussy spacebar .  Hope everyone is well and hanging in there and has a Happy New year... I will have the usual time alone with Madie. My holiday tradition continues!
Peace Out.