Sunday, February 12, 2017


Snow and Snow and Oh...More Snow. Make sure you stock up on Milk, Toilet Paper and lady products! lol
Getting hit like a ton o bricks in CT this week... another foot expected today. I am guessing that shcool will be cancelled.
Little bug has been super sick... It did not help that I myself have been coughing all winter... Poor baby girl I felt SO bad handing her off to dad and wanted to just stay with her... The 2 separate households got really old about a year in....and there is zero I can do about it..but off she went. I havet heard any horror stories..
Wanted to go to breakfast this am and when I got to my favorite joint it was PACKED....even in a snow storm! I was frustrated after I had attempted pancakes on a crappy frying pan...and just wanted my breakfast. After a month of coughing and blowing my nose my sense of taste is shot anyways...maybe those mashed up pancakes would have been delicious! SO anyhoo...breakfast fail aside...
Just laying low today..watching the snow..making spagetti sauce(uncertain if it tastes good..)for later on...and some to freeze....waiting for bugger to get home later...Really not much going on.

Had some weird dreams past couple nights...usually involve me hanging out with the family and them coming up to me and telling me I need to pack my things and leave that I am not welcome...and as I am packing I have an obsurd amount of clothes to pack and than suddenly I am in my childhood bedroom packing clothes...and then i am in an airport trying to catch my flight out...THEN there is a BOAT and we are forced to swim to it with our luggage like we are escaping a foreign country..
I miss Family every day I miss the beach every day... That dream was so weird. But the being lost in hallways of a school is a reoccurring dream I have..Really weird.

Anyhoo...I knew there was something else my brain wanted to fart out...
watched this movie called The Lobster... Dont even ask me to undertstand this one! People were being brought to this weird hotel where they had 48 days to find their true mate..or be turned into and animal. yes and animal.  If they do find their mates they are sent off to a couple more phases of the process than released back into society..but must present certficates of proof that they do infact have a spouse...SO Colin Ferels character wanted to be a Lobster if all else failed... He ended up running with Rachel Wises character and they were in the woods  with a group of others..but would go into city for various things... one girl in the group blinded Rachel Wises character and yes...blinded.... and she still ran off with Colin Ferrel... than in the end they were both at a diner an colin ferel goes into the bathroom with a knife to bind himself! wtf... but you never know what happenes to them both when the dang movie ends. Most bazzar thing ever. 120 minutes I will never get back! lol
SO yeah.... enjoy that one.

A picture from my upstairs window after the first storm...

Hope everyone is well...

Friday, February 3, 2017

Dinner Dates?....HA spicy story about how I have met a great man on any dinner date... Did meet a nice guy once on one of those craptastic webstes  awhile back and we almost went to dinner... But oh...I may not have Friday available and oh... I may not have that weekend available..oh and sorry last minute I have to take Madie.... "Due to your exs inconsistencies I don't think we should meet up" he said.
I cried a little...well not cause I was even remotely attached to someone I had never even met but because I think  to myself WHEN will I ever meet anyone? Let alone be able to have one lousy dinner out with someone other than myself...And I understand why he bailed back then.. when you meet someone you want to be able to spend time with each other and get to know each other..
Yeah Madies dad and I have had our moments....He was the love of my life and loosing him and our family breaking apart was the worse thing I have ever been thru... How am I supposed to get out and meet people or even have a life?  I know he works so hard and at times he thinks I don't appreciate him for it...I get mad...I get resentful... why does he have to travel so much? I always give him benefit of the doubt and because I love Madie and love him I do it...I take the kid and loose my weekends in the process...
I almost made an appointment with my lawyer at one point to fight for more child support cause I was ANGRY and I wanted a life...I was angry that shit HAS to be this way.
If I meet someone who tells me I am pretty even though I am feeling like a train wreck and haven't waxed my eyebrows in weeks... its nice.  I have just kinda shut down from websites and even cancelled most (well ok only had most of the dudes are insanely stupid and I tend to have to repeat a lot.. my strange humor sometimes offends or confuses So I just ditch them and leave them wondering where I went...blocking all their messages...I'm a Jerk to these guys and I really care less. Yeah YEah GET over it Jamie..I really want to punch people who tell me one knows the rollercoaster I have ridden ..loving and hating and affairs and hating and  loving...welcome to the past three years! watching family move on like you never existed... trying my best to keep madie and I afloat...I don't think I have done a terrible job at that! Still breathing! lol bills are paid...

Aside from my non existent love life I have been OK really!! lol just needed a small rant. Madie is doing well she will start her after school activity next month! :) last night we are hanging out on my bed and she was using me as a footrest.. I was kissing her little feet and she was laughing and pushing her feet on my head.. I love getting cozy with kiddo and having that time with her...
And yes motherhood aside I need a life outside it... I'm freakin lonely. I want to laugh and feel pretty again and be wined and dined...maybe even get some flowers..they can be blue carnations for all I care I would love them! :) Isnt that weird how they make flowers blue? lol
The overrated Valentines day is soon...I wish someone would get me a new for real. and some blue flowers. :) I miss having a little cat around bugging me and also keeping my feet warm at night.. I hope soon to get a new cat..been looking around online at the local shelters and well....adoption fees can run upwards to a buck twenty soooo slow and steady on that but Its sure something I will save for!
Sorry about my rant folks... laptop battery is running low and I reckon I need a shower about now....please no comments telling me to just get over it and buck up... each day is different but today I just needed to rant.
Maybe next year I will get those blue flowers and kitten for valentines day!

Will blog this weekend I cant WAIT to have tonight and Saturday as ME time! :)!!

Thursday, January 19, 2017

still moving


Well Its been awhile.
Been feeling okay lately aside from this nasty cough so If I just keep my mouth shut I wont go into a coughing fit...LOL 
ANyhoo... Kiddo is doing seizure this month but it had been awhile..she is doing good. I signed her up for her very first after school activity! Its a Unified Sports...well for madie rides on scooters and bouncing and playing I hope she does ok. All else fails she drops out and no harm done. Its free so eh...why not. It all starts in the spring.
Oh Spring. I miss you. It hasn't been a terrible winter we have had a couple school delays but not bad.

In other news...went to look at an apt today... Lets just say that after seeing this place my place is REALLY nice...what a dump! I was really disappointed even from the outside seeing plastic on the upstairs windows and frozen condensation ..than when I entered the place I almost felt embarrassed for the poor lady who had to show it to oh man. ANd it wasn't even the pictures I saw online... sigh. Had my Furnace cleaned in my place today and it now smells like smelly furnace in here.. BUt I tell ya my place is NICE lol
ANyhoo... another weekend approaches. Kiddo will be with me Friday night. I have not been having a whole lot of full weekends... I am trying to work it out and hopefully Dad can work it out where he is home more...The current deal is just not fair. I want badly to work something out without attorneys... To Be continued.

Well hm.... Captain Cheeto will soon be president.... We can only bear down folks. I am not going to be watching that circus take place.... Ringling Brothers is ending their circus and now a new one is in town...Ugh.   One day at a time folks. Easy on the riots.

Been just kinda laying low I guess.... I miss family and hope they are all doing well...I miss my maisy cat a lot  too... have  been taking a break from pets but its just sucks not having a silly fur baby! :( Maybe in a couple months after I pay my killer cell phone bill....  My old phone broke and wouldn't charge and the cord plug was all stripped... so they sent me a replacement phone for a 112 bucks SO  that will be on my bill on top of the 80 I already pay. THAN I needed a case for the damn thing so I went to ATT and the said they would throw in a free case but I had to get these stupid headphones that I did not want because in order to throw it on my bill I had to make a 100 purchace... SO Ill be paying that shit for 12 years.... Long Story.basically got a case and headphones for like 100 bucks...ugh.

SO yeah. I dunno what else?
Its already 3 and kiddo will be home soon..
Hope everyone is hangin in there.
Ill post this weekend during my few hours off. lol

Monday, January 2, 2017

Adios Christmas

here I am.

Well I'm not gonna lie the Holidays were really depressing.

My family had Christmas the weekend before and of course there was a snow storm that day. I brought Madie with me which was maybe kinda nuts but I wanted everyone to see her...
I was about 15 minutes into my drive and not quite on the highway when my windshield wipers decided to break..the rubber part decided to separate itself and flap in the breeze... I could not see anything. Thankfully there was an auto parts store close by and I stopped in and bought windshield wipers..the manager put them on my car for me which was nice of him. THAN we hit the nutsos I drove in the storm. 84 was literally snow and slush and my tires would move but my car would not... I almost thought I would get stuck a few times..people were sliding of the road and getting stuck it was super scary. I was also plowed by 2 plows...insane snow and muddy slush consumed my car it was so crazy. I wont lie..that drive was hell.  A normally 2.5 hour drive took 4 hours.. We made it. When the day was all said and done we were both exhausted..Madie fell asleep fast that night and so did I..

Christmas day came and went thankfully... It was a very Horseface Christmas so I was alone.. I kinda give up on the invites but every year it still really hurts not to be welcome...just one day a year.. She sure is a fabulous member of the family now.. gag.
I did not have Madie with me but was glad that she got to see everyone.. I cried a lot but the day is DONE and I am still  breathing.
I had a lot of blessings for sure!! On the Awesome side...I got lots of great gift cards and Madie made out like a bandit! A new winter coat, some clothes, Target gift cards, 50 bucks in cash, toys... I tell ya! Kiddo is set! I also used some of my Christmas cash and got her some  more clothes... she is getting so tall everything is getting too She will surely be the best dressed 4th grader at school! :)!
SO anyhoo.. All is well. New Years eve was a nice Sober occasion and it felt really good. Dunno what 2017 will bring... First a little bang trim for Madie lol and maybe start one of my books I got at a used book sale...Than just one day at a time. Hope everyone is well.
OH Kiddo has been Seizures have been okay and I never brag cause that usually jinks us.. But she is good. No sickies and always pretty happy for the most part...:) Ready to go back to school tomorrow FINALLY. Today we will just hang out...its been pretty cold outside but not too much snow since my trip..
I guess that's all I feel like rambling about today. Happy New Year folks. Onward.