Wednesday, July 19, 2017

shenanigans





Was kinda playing around with my camera one evening...It is my favorite time when we get in my bed and get comfy and I can put away laundry or watch Netflix lol she is such a silly girl. To say that I am addicted to her little feet is an understatement! LOL
All has been going I guess.... Tired today I don't think the heat helps..and running the ac all day either.. blah!
Was becoming quite the farmer lately too...haha well... I have a bad thumb when it comes to growing things but I successfully grew my own potatoes and have a green bean plant that is starting to grow too! lol they were seriously delicious taters!! since its summer and 100 degrees outside I made tater salad with my taters and YUM. Still waiting on my beans! OH and will soon plant a small tomato plant those are also easy to grow. Its so fun watching stuff grow and getting yummy healthy food out of it! :) I ended up tearing out this dead shrub in in front and using that small patch of earth. lol
gotta get a small fence like thing to surround it to protect from the lawn guys weed whacker and cats taking craps...

ANYHOO.... Will have madie for the long haul this week... while dad wraps up his travels for now! hoping he will be closer to home for awhile.. but ya just never know...
I may pass Madie off to him for the week of my birthday... I really don't know what I will do with  myself...kinda just want to get rest and maybe book a camp site for a couple days and decompress... I dunno...I have old friends from MD asking me to come vist...I have an old friend from  high school who wants me to come out west to Portland! All willing to pay for my travel... Insane yes. BUT man just a quiet few days home or on a camp site...bring my own food and wine and just CHILL. Sounds reeeeeaaalllly nice. get the apt clean from top  to bottom...stock up on groceries.... I dunno. lol That's to be continued!

Summer school is going well! Kiddo was so funny getting loaded on her bus this morning hootin and bouncing her little hiney looking wide eyed at her para a nice girl who hangs with her this summer and her nice bus driver who says good morning Madison! Its super sweet she looks so little in her chair getting loaded up...lol its also another favorite time of day when I get to see her off to school all happy and ready for her day of adventure :)
Went and got my hair done too! My Aunt has a dear friend who does hair and I could just go to her house and have my hair done...she offered to pay for it and told me to call when I was going to go...well....I tried folks to stay away from my highlights...lol I tried! Well I drove an hour and 15 to Sherman CT thru farm land and winding roads to FINALLY find her house tucked away... We had lunch and I got a nice fresh hair cut and subtle highlights... not too much but refreshed. :) She was really good! And NOT 130 bucks like the spa!  It was fun. A good weekend. Ifeel like I am kind of cheating on my hairdresser who has been doing my hair since the stone age! But I seriously cant afford it... I am at  times left with stripes in my hair though...the color is spot on but oh I dunno...

Hope everyone is hanging in there.... staying cool and enjoying summer... I miss going to the beach ALOT...
I guess that is all my rambles for today. kiddo will be home soon I gotta get moving. lol
peace out.
me

Friday, July 7, 2017

Rambles...

Hoo Hoo!
Still breathing.
Hanging on this rainy day with Miss Madie...
Jonesin so bad for my breakfast at my favorite cafĂ©  that has closed forever... lol Maybe I'm just hungry in general and the cantelope I ate has passed thru me. I actually talked the owner and chef about why they closed and it was pretty nuts...but in the end he was just too
behind on rent...Ex wife had jacked up huge credit running off to Georgia and following the band Phish...true story! Man oh Man... hes cooking now at a Tavern in New Hartford.. an even smaller town but I told him I hope it works out... Eh dunno.
ANYHOO.... Well hangin with my little pretzel kid and she keeps slouching over and getting lost in the couch pillows she is such a weirdo..(just kicked my keyboard)
Not much going on since Great Grandmas funeral everyone is kinda just settling into life I guess...
My neighbor moved out of her place which really sucked... Ive been helping her get rid of the last of the garbage outside filling her bucket and mine... I will miss bringing her food too lol We would sit and chat over wine a lot she had an old grill she would fill with wood and make fires it was fun. lol very ghetto.
Still hanging tight in my place for now I guess... Its certainly hard with 2 floors but I still like this place and moving sucks. Ive got like zero credit to hire movers either. But Id figure that out.... So yeah staying here for now until I cannot lift the kid anymore that is... already its pretty hard to carry her but I manage... Its all good. It has its quarks that I have become used too...Someday I would like a little more modern with nice warm toasty windows! Winters suck here. with lovely gas heat...mmmm no more Oil. Daydreaming aside lol
Kiddo is well...summer fun program just started and so far so good. Just made up her tote bag of her beach towel, sunglasses, sunhat etc that she will need...:) Its great how she will still have a bus come to get  her too! She is all bouncy and hootin as I wheel her out each morning..lol its great for her to keep the school routine going... Mom runs out of money and entertaining dances after awhile...lol  I almost thought about getting a pool membership... I am so germ phobic I dunno... Its kinda pricey but I bet if I asked around we could get a pass for cheap.. Id much prefer to find a nice lake or small beach nearby a place we can call "our joint "ya know?

Oh dear Madie is getting mad at me with her arms extended wants me to pick her up... ONE SEC kiddo!!
Hope everyone had a good 4th... I enjoyed the smell of everyone grilling....LOL The way the country is going these days....sigh. I wont make this post political don't worry! Orange head is out meeting with Putin today Good Lord help us.
Someone just drove by and yelled "Fucktard!" Really?? bahahah omg.
On that note till nxt time folks.

me.
COMMING MADIE!!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Brain Farts

Well we all said bye to grandma Sally last night...
I was pretty scared to go..a whole lot of family I have missed for a very long time were all there. I was afraid they would all be like: "what's she doing here?" But I know I did nothing wrong...
I got hugs from everyone. Smiles and "hi Jamie! So glad to see you!"
It felt at home. All the years of being part of a family and then under the circumstances....

Then I look Miles and feel resentment...like if none of this stupid divorce ever happened where would we be?.. I dunno...I just soaked in the love. Lots of touching words were said and after some folks were going to eat...I was wicked hungry but decided I'd step out...not like Miles was asking me to come along....SO...

It was crazy seeing how grown all Madie's "little cousins" have gotten...they all had boyfriends and girlfriends! Say huh?? All the time that has gone by that I am not a part of its heartbreaking.
Oh I dunno....

So anyhoo...today is last day of school for bugger FINALLY.  I was a little late this morning and when I pulled into the school I realized I had forgotten her shoes! It's only a half day so she will be fine. I am typing this blog on my phone and looking at her shoes on the table...sigh.  my laptop is once again on the fritz... battery would not charge and then when I brought it to best buy the guy took battery out and plugged it in and it worked! So duh...I can just run from outside power source...went home feeling relieved.  Well....now even plugged into several different outlets it won't turn on...a small burst of power than dud. UGH no one had money for that!! Then last night I finally got it on and when I woke up it was off.  So yeah...thumbs are getting a little sore blogging on my phone.
Almost lost my phone too..but was okay and recovered...

Was up at 330 last night tossing and turning..brain wizzing...thinking about the day and just when will I see everyone again?...how great it was to talk and hug and not so much catch up but just talk randomly about stuff...laugh...listen to stories about gma and celebrate her life as a family....
I finally fell back about 530 after I heard Madie kick the side of her bed loudly...I brought her in my bed and we snoozed till 8...a little late for school... but happy kid...slightly more rested Mom. Lol
Hope everyone is well and enjoying the summer...hoping to get to my cousins lake house and see my grammy Voegler this summer! And my Aunt has a friend who does hair who will highlight my hair too! I just can't stay away from the blond. Lol
Be Well .

Me.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Great Grandmas....named Sally.

The world lost a very sweet woman... Great Grandma Sally passed away..(dads grandmother and Madies Great Grandmother)
Now upon hearing this news I think back to how long its been since I have seen her..2 years? I don't get invited to Family things anymore.... I was upset at this news and was also pissed....
The way I want to remember her is as follows....
Every Christmas Id be in charge (cause he wasn't good at girl shopping) getting the girls presents...Now Grandma Sally loved her fuzzy socks and anything that was super pretty...a sweater or somthing floral..But always the fuzzy socks! lol She of course adored Madie..
"how is my girl?" she would ask me...
She was married once..her husband of many years..they divorced. he was quite a drinker in his days..they raised a lot of kids...even lost some along the way.. In their old age they were living with each other and as far as I could tell...life partners..he sober of course at this point in life. Lost Grandpa Harvey years back to lung cancer..a man that was not going to give up his pipe and I will NEVER forget the casual conversation about the "niggers" on the front porch of the families house...LOL  A WHOLE different era!!
I want to remember Great Grandma Sally as one of the last times I saw her.... Newly divorced I was and blessed enough to be invited... She took my hand and told me that she loved me and madie and that no matter what we would always be family. That we were loved. 
I barely ever see the family but I keep Sally's words with me.
I am sad that her days had to end in a nursing home when she was so fond of her home and  was confused when she was wisked away to the nursing home and her home sold out from under her... it was kinda like "maybe she won't notice" kind of thing....
I AM not a fan of being secretive...I am an upfront person. Maybe I am too dramatic in that sense.... pushed away.
Anyways....I know she loved me and madie and despite all the crap going on.... I will miss her and wish so badly that I could have had one more heart to heart talk with her...
My own grandmother is 89 and dyed her hair purple! What would I do without her? Enjoy all the moments you have. Every one.
Rest peacefully Miss Sally. Xoxox