Saturday, March 12, 2016

Bahamas and New Apts!(hopefully)

Hello World.

Well If you know me on Facebook you have already seen the oodles of pictures from our trip!

What a trip it was.
Atlantis Paradise Island is truly an AMAZING place... I cried like a baby when we were leaving.. already longing for another trip. When will I ever see a place like that again? I just don't go on vacations...I was such a blessing and we had an amazing time.
We (my friend came with us to help me..) got Madie out of bed at 4 am she was still in a sound sleep.
The limo was moving pretty slow and we knew we had to catch a flight in Hartford at 6! We got there with an hour to spare and security line was INSANE... madies chair would not fit thru the security xray so that that became a property check.. than the car seat that Sherri was carrying was not fitting thu so that became a property check too! I took madie out of her chair and walked thru once..than twice.. than I had my hands scanned for gun powder with a small circular things on sticks that they rubbed on my palms...probably containing every known bacteria all over made me ill! Then they messed up my bag looking for all my guns... When I was done I waited for Sherri to go thru the full body scan thing...
I suddenly hear over the muffled sound system that there is 3 more minutes to board our flight and I hear OUR names! WTF!?
I am frantically waiting for Sherri while she is getting her cavity search...(j/k) We RUN like the wind...lugging car seat pushing madie carrying our carry on..
A chubby guy with skin tags all over his face gives us attitude but we scoff at him when he tells us that security has not been bad and that HE isn't the one going anywhere...
THAT was the worse of it...
We board that plane and sit all the way in the back...
After that it was smooth sailing...Bahamas or BUST.
Let me also add that madie was the BEST traveler EVER. She just took it all in. Looking around and flying on the plane and running through airports...
When we arrived at Bahama airport the world began to move at such a different pace. We got thru customs and madie got her first passport You could hear island music in the lobby...REALLY?? We flagged down a guy who helped us with our luggage..and when I stepped outside to the front of the airport and all the rides were waiting for other people....nothing was beautiful. The warm air was WONDERFUL. We ventured further and our limo was waiting for us. LIMO! :)
We loaded up and headed out!
Took about 30 minutes..

It was on the horizon!!
When we checked in it got a little tricky but the staff was wonderful and we were all set! 19th Floor!!What could the view from up there be like??

YES really...
We got somewhat settled and madie had her sippy and we changed our clothes and headed down to seek some jaw just dropped at how magifient this place was! All kinds of places where sea turtles swam..sting rays..sharks.. you name it! Okay minus whales...LOL
We quickly realized that we NEED to make sure that we don't use up our debit card too quickly when two chicken wraps and two coronas were 42 bucks! EEEK! we ate and walked around a little...I was pretty exhausted but the place was jaw dropping!

We are up on the left..there are balconies with green openings in them..second from the right. YEP that's us.
This was behind me when we left our room to go venture..the view above pic is what I saw looking out!
I am still having aches for this place!
The next day we swam with the dolphins and I will never forget how amazing that creature was! Before the fun began we had to get fitting with wetsuits...The first one I put on was squeezing my SOUL...LOL note to self...wetsuits are NOT comfortable...and stop eating Jamie...
Than we all went into this room and watched a movie with a terrible voice over guy(sounded like he was in the other room with a microphone..)acting as the talking dolphin in the us all kinds of safety tips and making bad bad jokes.. I was getting impatient with that junk and my wet suit was not the driest one on the rack....EW.
Well when we got to the water we were all separated into groups and different dolphin guys guided us over to where we would meet the dolphins.. but before we did that we had to stand in knee deep water and listen to MORE safety and MORE bad
The Dolphins were amazing!! Madie liked the water and the fart noise that came out of its blow hole...HAHA

We were all left in awe after the whole was great! We went to the gift shop to see our pictures and possibly buy a few prints.. The cheapest package was 90 dollars! We kinda thought Ok...well we have our spending money so we can get some.. Well to our surprise since we were make a wish we got all our pictures in digital form for FREE! Talk about a great day! :)!!
Rest of the day was spent just chillaxing...taking in the scenery and eating some yummy food. lol
Sunday we decided to really explore...I MAYBE should not have walked over 5 miles in flip flops..

We had dinner at Vinnys BBQ that night for the first time..(we went back again)

Madie loved sitting in the she was getting antsy in her chair. Food and Beers were good!

The trip seemed to fly by.. We visited the aquarium twice and ventured a little away from the resort to some local places and saw some INSANE boats! Rumor had it that one of the owners was renting out an entire restaurant for a party later...dang.
Beach Time was really nice...the little beaches were kid friendly and shallow so it was easy to sit madie down and let her splash. The pool nearby was nice of them was COLD and the big main beach was very rough waves..alot of caution signs were posted.

What else Is there to say about this trip? I wish I could share allllll my pictures but that would make for an even longer post! I wonder how families afford to go to this place everything is insanely expensive! We made it work and still had some money left on our debit card! :)! I could not have managed without my Friend Sherri and her fitbit keeping us walking and moving all the time! lol
Now its back to the real world...When we landed in hartforf it was SNOWING...from 75-80 to snow...gah!
lately spring is in the air and is just around the corner! I am ready to start my usual unsuccessful garden of high hopes! lil sprouts that end up dying...:(!!
I have also been on hunt for new place...been really itching to move.. hurt my back pretty good last week and ready for a one story place. that's another story...
My craptastic computer is driving me nuts and its taken me forever to type all keeps underlining like I am making spelling errors... and I cant get my mouse to be left handed even though I set it like that...and WIndows 10 is a nightmare.
Hope everyone is well...
Don't tell Dad but there is really nice handicap accesable place in new London...LOL hello Neighbor! he would so hate me!
Happy Spring everyone!

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Positve Patty

Going to take a Positive Patty route today for once! If I can type this up without my monitor blacking out several times...UGH I want a new computer SO BAD!!!

The Good?!
Well FINALLY getting Madies new chair on Feb 9th. BEYOND ready. GI appointment tomorrow in Hartford..Don't expect too much aside from a lot of driving back and forth..Going to change her button too. But I feel pretty confident that I could do that myself.Hsvent been too thrilled with GI just very..I dunno. Impersonal. (is that right word)-"Not existing as a Person; Having no personality"

Like when Madie had surgery we saw him before the surgery and I think that was it! Not even to check on her...That surgery was ROUGH. Poor baby girl was very upset..there must have been like eight teams of people who came and gave us "game plans". We just make appointments when we follow up. Even when the button FELL OUT I did not get a call or even a suggestion to come in. All worked out in the end but still...
Im certain Dad wants to give him a punch in the nose... I have been going back and forth with the button...have not really had to use it as kiddo has been drinking very well...But its always good to have like say if she is sick or just wont eat.. I barely use the pump anymore..that stupid thing almost always alarms in the middle of the night telling me it is out of feed and its still practically full. Madie gets wrapped in the tubing as well. Me and the Pump just don't get along. And lugging it back and forth to dads is even a bigger pain. Ill always miss that good ol one household...:/ Who knows...

Been hangin in there for the most part...everyone is getting along and just one day at a time. Was at my favorite breakfast spot yesterday having my awesome 6 dollar breakfast and the waitress said she had seen Madie's Grandma there.. I told her I had not seen her in awhile my heart kind sank... But I read my book and ate my breakfast which was amazing. I dunno...
Im reading a book about a woman who falls on her head at the Gym and wakes up not remembering the last 10 years of her life...She wakes and has three kids and a husband who is divorcing her and fighting for custody of the kids...EEK. It moves a little slow but I am intrigued. What Alice Forgot.
Bought a new Travel bag for vacation too..its super cute. :) I am kinda nervous about the trip and the ONLY thing I dread is getting up at 330 in the morning to catch that 6 am flight out of Hartford! But I am so stoked. And I hate non direct flights! bah. We will play in the water every day and shop till we drop and eat yummy food and swim with the happy captive dolphins!! lol My friend and I may take turns on the water slides...SOMEONE has to loose a bathing suit top! LOL
I wish Dad was going with us a family very much...that would certainly be ideal..But I am bringing my dear friend whom I have known awhile with us.. STill pretty stoked. I hope its not too hard with Madie and all her "stuff". I plan on getting a good burn and forgetting the Aloe..kind of a long standing tradition...;)

Miss Madie has been doing well. Very giggly and happy girl lately.. I don't want to jinks anything! Seizures I guess are the same...I don't want to jinks any of that either. I am always on the edge of my seat worrying that she will have a big seizure and maybe she has but I don't hear? I dunno...some nights I have the space heater on cause I live in a place where when the windows are closed and the heat is on you would never know... SO maybe the buzz of the heater blocked out any noise...or maybe she has not had one....I couldn't say. I don't like to speak of it!
Epilepsy is a part of our lives..
Shes at school now and I always worry that her day is so long that she will be pushed to overtiredness... But my big girl always makes it thru! (unless she is sick) And I am so proud of her lil self. She laughs and laughs and warms everyones heart. My heart explodes when we are just hangin in our jammies on my bed watching Moms shows and shes laughing and shaking her rain stick distracting me! I love to tickle her feet its so funny. Than the cat gives me that look...LOL The death ray!!

sigh...Well guess I don't have much to ramble about today. not looking forward to lugging out to Harford tomorrow but mid as well get er done. Been feeling okay lately aside from my back kinda hurting but not terrible. gotta get to target and grab a few things today and get more laundry done. hope everyone is well.


Friday, January 8, 2016

Frrrrriday heyheyhey

Thank you all for your heartfelt comments...I need the love right now. One of your comments came in twice but that is ok. lol I thought many times about writing a book about myself and about love and loss and raising a disabled child and depression and alcoholism.. ya know the SANE stuff..But just havent. I guess I could start one page at a time I dunno.

I also am probably the only person who doesnt have WORD on her computer. I have to get myself out of this pit of despair! I feel so beat up..
Christmas is all packed away and Madie has been back at school doing her thing. I dunno all is pretty calm I suppose.
Woke up in the middle of the night with shooting lower back pain and almost had to take some advil or something but it eased up after a bit...but MAN... ugh. I feel so old. Did you know that American Idol has been on for 15 seasons?? 15! That's a geezer moment for ya! LOL
Trying to just keep on...OH and the same one who told me that I don't know who I am blamed me for the demise of things..telling me it was my fault. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I BLAMED MYSELF???? That I could have given more..?? Well ya know what when one is not receiving anything its hard for the other to feel the love and that is how I DONT blame myself....Two to Tango. And really...even after that storm calmed a couple days later I still have not seen an apology...

And we are. Friday at last... I have been flying solo with Madie while he was on vacation with the family and horse face... (did not know that till her ADORABLE selfie from New Years surfaced...)
I am very much ready for some Jamie Time..I will probably cry when he drives off with my lil bug this weekend but I NEED some rest... I have to go with it. I have too. I am thinking a little Thai Food and a movie on demand or something sounds SO nice tonight. I call it THIGH Food...LOL Its so so so GOOD! The place is weird and had little Christmas lights up all year round and closes in the middle of the day than re opens at Its also a BYOB place which makes up for the 14 dollar pineapple rice!
So yeah...
OH also in about a month the make a wish granters will come with our wish delivery! Our flight leaves out of Hartford at SIX AM...WHEW> They will come and bring us our itinerary and tickets and spending debt card etc and we will eat some pizza or meet up someplace and GET this going! Feb 19th cant come soon enough! I cant wait to swim with those happy captive dolphins! Madie is going to love all the water play and the aquarium (yes there is an aquarium!) Oh man..still doesn't feel real.
Hope everyone is well and hangin in there. Happy Holidays or Festivus or whatever your families celebrate :) Im feeling the love! Sorry I have to moderate comments.. A long while back we were all getting comments written in Chinese they were flooding into a few blogs...and since I put a "check before publish" per say It has worked. lol
XO have a great weekend folks.
HEres some funny pictures I have mustered up for your viewing pleasure. yes that is from an actual kids book...I laughed so hard! I really like funny pictures....

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Who is Jamie?

Jamie is a Survivor. And not from the fancy hyped up T.V show winning a million dollars..
A survivor of ALOT loss. From the time I was 16 and my father was wheeled out of my house on a stretcher suffering what would turn out to be a fatal heart attack...And being left with a mother who suffered from addiction to her prescriptions and terrible depression..(probably a huge reason why I hate pills..but love my wine...)
She than passed away the year after of overdosing...but that is another story...But its one of the reasons I am a survivor. I have also lost my Best friend to cancer when she was only 22...and oh lets Uncle.. My favorite CAT...My Family My Husband...ya know... not much. I fear loss ALOT. I wish I had family surrounding me every day and did not have to be in this chilly apt alone..(well with my lilk bug)
Who is Jamie? Someone who will remain nameless told be that they refuse to be with anyone who doesn't know who they are..someone who turned my life upside down!! ANYHOO...
Maybe they mean career driven? Okay well let me go and get me a nice job(with my panic attacks) and get calls every week to come get Madie or have her get sick for a week at a time or lets say that Madie has a bad seizure the night before and wakes up very grumpy and sleepy..and I send her in because mom has to work at some shitty bagel shop or Target...and I get the call mid shift saying I must come get her... cause maybe she had another seizure or is crying all day and no one an console her. OOOO Lets make some neuro, GI, Ortho, and Pediatrician appointments while we are at work too...!!! Its a very touchy subject when someone tells me to go get a Job. Madie is my Job... I kinda had that thrust upon me. But it was good to know that that is ALL I identify myself as.... And no they did not tell me to get a Job...for the record.
Who is Jamie?
Jamie is a Mom of course well DUH.
When I was a kid I loved to ride my bike down one of the biggest was an unfinished development and at the top was just dirt and open space..I could get to the top of the hill huffing and puffing..(me and my best friend of course) and we would just do a countdown at the top and coast all the way down.. no helmets no padding no fancy bike with 800 gears on it..Just us and the wind and our bikes.
I feel incomplete. I don't think that signifies that I don't know who I am..Im just incomplete...When I was married and I had my family and we all were together I felt complete. And well its been said CMON JAMIE GET OVER IT ALREADY.
This is loss to me. this is mouring loss like a death to me!
I want that wind in my hair feeling...of just conquer the world and no fears and HAPPINESS.
Who is Jamie? I don't know who I am cause I am not happy?? that's crap.
I had to pick up and change my life when I did not want to change my life! Maybe it sounds like a lame ass excuse at this point while everyone has happily moved on without me around. Have you ever spent a holiday completely alone?? have you ever just ached in your heart so very much that you want to explode! Have you ever seen pictures of the family you love so much having parties without you? ITS AWESOME!!!
I am beyond relived that the holidays are over..I kept getting one lame answer after the next as of why it just was not time for madie and I to stop by...than I am told that the new girl is there.. The BIGGEST horse face I have ever seen...she looks like she is aged but still stuck in 1993... I called him the biggest Jerk ever and told him that its the one day I can see family and he takes it away from me. That is ALL I will say about Christmas. yeah...I think he felt like an asshole after that one.....
I say every year that THIS year has to be better than that last! HAS TO BE! I have since more or less gotten over Christmas at this point...but really??
HAS TO BE BETTER!! No one wants to deal with it anymore...ITS TIME TO MOVE ON JAMIE...look how happy we all are with Horse face now! :D!!

In the meantime there is no time to be all sad when a lil Madie needs her mom! But you melt down anyways.
Jamie is lonely. I am tired of feeling abandoned. Don't tell me I don't know who I am!!
Go ahead and tell me I am a nobody than. Go ahead and tell me that I don't matter anymore because I know that is not true and I know that I do my best I can. Im not a career woman...Im not a marathon runner...Im not a freaking rocket scientist.
Im Jamie. Im pretty freaking awesome for whomever wants to see that...Maybe I just have this big wall up and just don't want to let others in right now...

Jamie is Jamie and well..shes a tough nut to crack.. She is taking quite a Journey and lives one day at a time and Yes she gets terribly sad and lonely sometimes but can also be terribly happy..Family means the world to her and she wants to take care of her own someday again..there is so much love in my heart..:( But in the meantime yeah maybe I am "JUST" madies mom...But a hilariously funny and good lookin one. I have so much love in my heart that no one takes..and I also have anger and resentment in my heart that people steer clear of...maybe folks just don't want me around! Who Knows. PSHT. LOL

Peace Out. End of Rant. Sorry Folks.
Be safe tonight folks the 5.0's are creepin. Stay home! Im just glad we don't have to watch shaky Dick Clark anymore....cause Seacrest has such dreamy veneers.. lol

Me. Or Jamie? Or Madies Mom? Or a Martian??
Happy New Year!!!

I signed him away with a smiley face....even though my soul was being ripped out.