Wednesday, May 6, 2015

nothin much


Things I dislike about my place: iTS DRAFTY. IT HEATS and hot waters with OIL.It does an awesome job heating outside for nearly 4 bucks a gallon.... The dryer is outside on the porch. Its COLD in the winter. there is one bathroom and its thru the kitchen and I have to sit sideways on the toilet....its that small.(the bathroom) The screen porch that contains my dryer leaks in the winter. It has two floors and is tricky with kiddo..
Things I like: Its got such character! Its sunny anytime of year. I have a cool clothes line. The VEIW from my room is AWESOME I want to soak it in when I look out... The grassy area is nice to sit on with madie and its peacefull. No one is ever home around me..It feels like a little cottage and I have also worked to spruce up the outside...the grass is mowed for me and I dont have to shovel...the outside is clean and newly painted and powerwashed..kept up well. And the rent is right. I make it work...Its the place I moved into when I was so scared and hoping it would just be a temporary place that all of what was happening wasnt real... Eventually I just made it home...I had too.
Bear with me I am loosing focus...Madie will not go to sleep and I am ADD....

Been worried about Madies Dad...newly diagnosed with kidney far as he knows ultra sound shows nothing but he has all the symptoms..I dont know what to think but hes instinct wants to go take care of him and feed him all kinds of kidney flushing hes hangin in there with 3 different he still goes off to work tomorrow to work outside all day. I really wish he would just take a few days..I still care about the guy! He has always worked his butt off...i hope to convince him to move closer someday but I wont press my luck. lol
I wanna say that madie and I will remain residents of our little town as long as we can...or if anything ever changes...ya just never know..lalalalalala .but I really like my town and its schools.Home Sweet Home..
I am runninng of. of battery and patience for this very below machine right now....I will blog more soon and keep all updated on how GI appointment goes...Im too tired to go into mt bg-tube shpeal or re load this page a third much for switching internets...

hope everyone is well.
peace out homeslice

Monday, May 4, 2015


Ever have a possible melon plant\seedling pop up in the middle of your lawn? lol well I will watch it grow and let you know what sprouts up! there is a first for everything.
Well...anyhoo... madie is still the same...GI apointment bumped up till June for reasons unknown but we are still going!
Spring has finally sprung in my neck of the woods after what felt like a neverending winter the fresh air lifts my spirits and makes me I still love it! remind me to dust off my ceiling fan BEFORE I turn it on this true story.
Well a little lost in my thoughts today..I dunno...lil bug is ok she has long days at school but for most part gets thru her days..I went on field trip with her last friday to this small local museum in town that tells us all about how collinsville had a thriving Ax factory that still stands today but no longer makes axes of just a bunch of hipster artsy people rent the space for studios...but the lil museum is kept going by some elderly folk who do small tours..I thought it was cool that the old workers used to reside in the duplexes that I rent now..
Madie got bored and grumpy.... we were unable to go to lower level cause there was no elevator.
Weekend was my grocery shopping done and prescriptions filled...bought a tomato plant and spruced up a little...just tried to keep busy and have a Jamie day...missed my lil side kick alot but was able to get stuff done...
I guess all else is going...I dunno..
Did I tell ya about the special needs playgroup? Miles and I went with Madie and it was run by her old Birth to Three therapist and we decided to check it out. What a turn out! II think she will soon need a larger space! I enjoyed it...and it was cool to do something the three of us..felt good :)
i guess that is all I have to ramble about today...yeah not too exciting...
hope everyone is well and I hope I get a laptop soon...donations are being accepted...LOL


Friday, April 10, 2015

still kickin...

Here I am...
Well feeling alot on my plate..not only with Madie and just wanting to whisk myself away on one of those Eat Pray Love journeys...or a beautyful white sand beach with a cold drink and the blue water with handsome strangers bringing me towels and massages...shoot.A place where I wont feel like a fatso in my bathing suit! throw in a crazy love affair..why not!

Things are going...its still cold and the heat is still cranking out oil that I have never had money for and bills are waiting impatiently to be paid...a new laptop feels about as far fetched as a tropical vacation! :(
Madie continues her grand maul a week trend...and its just how it is...what kills me most is that for a LONG time it was off her keto diet feeding her tons of sugar and carbs to try to put some weight on her small frame...its how it is.
Talked to her school social worker and she was going to see if Madie qualifies for anything weathor it be services or money for this and that...says I deserve these things...
A non working mom with bad anxiety and living on her alamony..I feel people will look down on me and tell me to JUST get a job..get up and work while Madie is at school! I try to explain that its hard for me to jump up and join the workforce...I feel like a loser. Some have no idea how much school Madie misses....when she gets sick its for a WEEK...when she has a seizure the night before she is all out of sorts the next day..maybe Im just making lame excuses. throw in apointments...we are about to add two more new doctors to the mix..a GI doctor and an orthopedic doc... going to get her fitted for AFOs and with GI talk G-tube..and possibly back on keto diet but Im not sure yet...
I am so worried with her seizures and her growth.... it makes my brain wizz.
Then throw in the complexity of Miles and I.... sigh. that is a whole other 18 hundreds pages.
Spring/winterthatneverends break is this coming week...I had no idea of this till a few days ago so really did not psych myself up for it but its here. rumors of 65 degrees but I have to see to believe at this point. ugh.
Sorry to be such a debbie downer.. just feeling burned out. I dunno..feeling lonely for love and family. trying to stay afloat. Hope everyone is well and healthy and hopefully warmer than we are.
Have to add a happy note in here and say I had a pretty good Easter. last minute drive to Jersey to see some family folk. was pretty good time with LOTS of food! seeing all madies lil cousins was a hoot. hilarious kids! Patrick sang his Easter Jesus song while Gracie plugged her ears..LOL sooo funny! felt very blessed. :) I hope the summer brings beach trips and family get togethers. I miss it so much.

I guess thats all I have to ramble about today. just me and kiddo tonight and we will see dad tomorrow :)
hugs everyone

till next time.


Thursday, April 2, 2015


here I am. No real set plans for Easter...may stick around or go to Jersey and see some family. uncertain.
Hope everyone is well..Im pretty tired today..have kiddo home with god knows what illness this time as she sleeps the day away only popping her head up if I put my head down so I give really.
Seizures have been the same at once a week I am spent. My surrender flag is up. Another G>I apointment next month and if there is little weight gain I want to try the tube..I cant take it. baby girl is 8! she gets sick so much and the seizures...ugh. will they ever stop?? her teeth have been bothering her too...not falling out...not growing in..I surrender to that too.
going to start making foods for madie...whatever I eat pure` that moe foe up! I have already made chicken noodle soup and apple sauce. yummm but will she eat them? prolly not but we shall see..
Can you pump in pure to the gtube? I wonder...
Anyhoo..not much to ramble about...Had Madies school meeting and her oral motor has been shot ouyt the door as of lately shehas no tolerance for any type of mush food in her mouth. nor will she let therapist touch her face...full meltdowns.
The meeting itself went saddens me when they say the kids spend less time with Madie as they get older and their brains are busy learning science and reading breaks my heart that Madie is the way she is...I wish we could have some kind of breakthru but truthfully shes 8 and still doesnt do the majority of things the other kids do..not even eating real food...I think for me hardest thing is her inability to!! I would buy her the best sneakers out there... my hopes diminish sometimes..I wish I knew. Getting her AFO'S has been suggested to us to help give her more support when she is in a stander as the backs of her ankles bend out like shes in a skiing position instead of being locked strait..so0o thats another thing...sigh.
she is certainly a girl who knows what she likes...and makes it known when things arent going her way. She is pretty ticklish too on her feet and loves noisy toys like rainsticks and vibrating light up things.
Ohh my little bug. Oh Mama..
Shes also a great hugger.
I dunno... I can hear my princess awake now and dont want to get her Hope everyone has a great Easter. I basically forgot about it till last week!
Till next Time.