Sunday, March 11, 2018

PAIN management by myself...101

Kiddo will be home in about a couple hours and I figured why not post...

I'm not going to lie I have been having a hard time... and having no one to help me is probably worse than this pain .. 1 trip to the walk-in, 1 trip to Urgent Care, 2 ER trips, 1 physician trip, 1 x ray, 1 MRI  later I have a herniated disk in my back that is pressing on a nerve. 3 failed muscle relaxers, 3 anti inflammatory, Advil, Aleve, and even a med that is prescribed for Seizures that they said would calm the nerve....
THIS pain...heading into week 4. No extra help. I am so over this pain.
Tomorrow I am going to a nuero surgeon to see what  he has to say and I will BEG him for the steroid shot... even if it gives me a few days relief it will be worth every second till I can get a grip on this... OH and don't forget the Physical therapy that they signed me up for I call "Lets fuck around with what is bothering you and really flare it up" sessions....
I have no idea how I have managed... I just have. when I am given no choice but to just jump head first I jump. 
I am unable to get Madie upstairs to her bed so we are camping out downstairs on a futon cushion and I cannot get her in and out of the bath so those are few as well... I am beyond over this.
It hurts allot that no one in my CT family has offered to help me even for a day to maybe get kiddo in the bath or drive me to an appointment... I will forever remember this.
I had to Uber myself to my MRI which really worked out well...its cheap and they cars are nice and clean and drivers are friendly...  I  also can call my insurance that offer MEDcabs... a free ride to appointments! BUT it has to be done 48 hours in advance...DOH. But I noted that and WILL use it... Pretty awesome.
SO.... I dunno.. Its hard to sum up past 3 weeks... I have been brought to the point of tears and laying in the fetal position from this pain.. with no help.
I called up a nursing  agency and they have not been helpful in finding me a home health aid... I am trying not to give up on  that.. Its just hard to focus on anything but getting rid of this pain right now so I can function.

For the record this by no means makes me incapable of caring for Madie... I hurt myself and I am trying get better I am human. I am not invincible. I need help with Madie SO I can focus on myself and getting better! This is very frustrating.
I want to hug my sweet girl, lift her in the air, carry her to her bed, give her a bath, ...Boy did I take that for granted. My body can only do so much...its been nearly 5 YEARS on my own with Madie it was bound to happen... I am strong and I will figure this out.
I wanted so badly for Dad to help... an extra day, early pick up, offer to take her to school, offer to take a long weekend,even just ask how I was feeling once in awhile and if I needed anything simple like Milk or a sandwhich! I dunno show any compassion.... But I have shouted and begged to a brick wall...
I'm clearly on my own.

I'm over it I get the drift....
Tomorrow I hope to achieve some relief... I am going to beg or maybe I cry hard enough? I don't know what expect but if I leave appoint no worse off I dunno what I will do from there...

Anyhoo....
on the upside I lost a few pounds and have steered clear of booze...which both feel really good.
I am a tough cookie... I feel like I have been thru worse and I am keeping my wits..dammit.
A good friend from the ville is driving me to my appoint tomorrow since when I drive it presses right on the nerve and feels like fire.. I am so thankfull for good friends...SERIOUSLY.. Id be even more lost!

Kiddo is good BTW... she is her usual little nutty self.. getting her off to school in the morning is very painful but I have somehow...
She has a big field trip to NYC Natural History Museum next week and it kills me that I probably wont make it... BUT ya never know.
Confrences this week too which I never understood I mean isnt a PPT enough? Is there more to talk about?
I hope everyone is well... If I can hang in YOU can hang in...I will keep posted more often and hopefully my next post I will be feeling alot better! Now to work on winning a million dollars!

A gal can dream.

Me

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