RELAX...no spicy story about how I have met a great man on any dinner date... Did meet a nice guy once on one of those craptastic webstes awhile back and we almost went to dinner... But oh...I may not have Friday available and oh... I may not have that weekend available..oh and sorry last minute I have to take Madie.... "Due to your exs inconsistencies I don't think we should meet up" he said.
I cried a little...well not cause I was even remotely attached to someone I had never even met but because I think to myself WHEN will I ever meet anyone? Let alone be able to have one lousy dinner out with someone other than myself...And I understand why he bailed back then.. when you meet someone you want to be able to spend time with each other and get to know each other..
Yeah Madies dad and I have had our moments....He was the love of my life and loosing him and our family breaking apart was the worse thing I have ever been thru... How am I supposed to get out and meet people or even have a life? I know he works so hard and at times he thinks I don't appreciate him for it...I get mad...I get resentful... why does he have to travel so much? I always give him benefit of the doubt and because I love Madie and love him I do it...I take the kid and loose my weekends in the process...
I almost made an appointment with my lawyer at one point to fight for more child support cause I was ANGRY and I wanted a life...I was angry that shit HAS to be this way.
If I meet someone who tells me I am pretty even though I am feeling like a train wreck and haven't waxed my eyebrows in weeks... its nice. I have just kinda shut down from websites and even cancelled most (well ok only had 2...lol) most of the dudes are insanely stupid and I tend to have to repeat a lot.. my strange humor sometimes offends or confuses people...lol So I just ditch them and leave them wondering where I went...blocking all their messages...I'm a Jerk to these guys and I really care less. Yeah YEah GET over it Jamie..I really want to punch people who tell me that..no one knows the rollercoaster I have ridden ..loving and hating and affairs and hating and loving...welcome to the past three years! watching family move on like you never existed... trying my best to keep madie and I afloat...I don't think I have done a terrible job at that! Still breathing! lol bills are paid...
Aside from my non existent love life I have been OK really!! lol just needed a small rant. Madie is doing well she will start her after school activity next month! :) last night we are hanging out on my bed and she was using me as a footrest.. I was kissing her little feet and she was laughing and pushing her feet on my head.. I love getting cozy with kiddo and having that time with her...
And yes motherhood aside I need a life outside it... I'm freakin lonely. I want to laugh and feel pretty again and be wined and dined...maybe even get some flowers..they can be blue carnations for all I care I would love them! :) Isnt that weird how they make flowers blue? lol
The overrated Valentines day is soon...I wish someone would get me a new kitten...lol for real. and some blue flowers. :) I miss having a little cat around bugging me and also keeping my feet warm at night.. I hope soon to get a new cat..been looking around online at the local shelters and well....adoption fees can run upwards to a buck twenty soooo slow and steady on that but Its sure something I will save for!
Sorry about my rant folks... laptop battery is running low and I reckon I need a shower about now....please no comments telling me to just get over it and buck up... each day is different but today I just needed to rant.
Maybe next year I will get those blue flowers and kitten for valentines day!
Me
Will blog this weekend I cant WAIT to have tonight and Saturday as ME time! :)!!
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