Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Negative Nancy

Okay lets just rephrase the last post and delete it all together... Negative Nancy has left the building.
I hurt okay. I do. I feel alone and Sad. I just do.
My sweet bugger is feverish today and I am in a lot of aches and pains today...I manage to pull muscles walking... I am that good. My hamstring acts up occasionally and yesterday it decided to let me know that it still exists

New couch getting delivered tomorrow I am pretty excited... If anyone read last deleted post I still  may never know why he bought me a couch... but its coming and I needed it very badly. I hope he at least knows I am thankful for it. I miss him. He knows this. I am angry and I am frustraited and I am tired.... Maybe it is  time to let him from my heart...Give up. Just throw the towel in. Is he over the moon happy now? I dunno....:(
He worries me when I don't hear from him.... I wonder did I get him he injured somewhere?? is he in the hospital? (that has happened btw) We are both so stressed out.. I feel so put thru the wringer sometimes and my energy  is kapoot. I read somewhere that broken heart syndrome is a real thing...Maybe they should just call it clogged arteries or a heart attack... sigh.
I dunno anymore I just don't.
I have so many blessings in my life...people who look out for me and help... I still of course have my side of the family who is always a phone call away. The town I live in has great people and great schools and great therapists! lol But its a lonely world.

I look at this lil face every day and I ache in my heart at how much I love her... She needs me. She needs US. We are both so worn down and tired and both working in different ways... he works out of state and flies in on weekends..exhausting! I am here with madie during week and sometimes he is unable to get home on weekends and I am with Madie longer..
I miss when things felt okay... I miss when my family was together... not just US but the family. I HAVE to put my big girl pants on an do it.... for Madie for ME. I cant feel this way anymore. I am a survivor of so much in my life! I am so beat down... and here I am still standing! With the best kid in the world that I have been blessed with.
Maybe I made a crummy wife...who knows.. Does anyone even wonder how I am doing?  Is Horseface that great? :/
No more Negative Nancy. Pick your shit up Jamie.

Then there is this one....makes me laugh everyday. Rolling in our dead grass picking up bugs and dirt...LOL


No comments: