I have stared at this blank page for a few minutes...
Don't really know what to blog about today. Feeling so empty. I miss my LIFE. Who am I a when I am not a wife and a mom? Its been three years in my apt with Madie now..THREE YEARS. Two years since that day in court one of the worse days of my life.
I am so blessed in so many ways why cant I see it?? I have a great lil batch of friends..I have a loving family..I have a roof over my head..Madie is happy kid (when she poops.lol) And oh my kitty Maisy too! I call her and Madie my two kids..lol
Then why so glum Jamie?? sigh...
Turned the TV off and just sitting downstairs with my sleepy lil bug all tuckered out from her day at school today..Tomorrow is Friday and she will be headed to Dads. Things always feel so incomplete without her here. without both of them here.
Turkey Day was good. Took Madie to Jersey with me...smooth drive in..Tapanzee Bridge was a bad traffic but in the end we made it safely. I was glad for the most part madie was in a good mood. she was a little clingy but for most part happy... I was just sitting down for some cheezy dip and a glass of wine and I went to pick up Madie and her gauze that is around her feeding button fell off..I went to discreetly pick it up to go throw it away..yeah no big deal except the button was IN the gauze! POP the dang thing fell out! I tried not to panic and went to lift her shirt as stomach contents were leaking all over her shirt..I went to kitchen and rinsed it off and used her small syringe to drain the water out of the bubble that holds it in place...then I went and brought madie to the other room and proceeded to jam the thing back in her belly...while she screamed. And my Aunt had no idea what was going on or how the tube works etc... I just winged it and I was successful. WHEW> here I was NOT at home and not having all the things I needed but I did it. And I was not about to interrupt appetizers and ask if anyone had any KY on hand to help lubricate the button! I guess I can laugh at it now but WHEW< talk about breaking out in a sweat FAST.
Called in a steroid cream for all the raw tissue surrounding her stoma(tube site) and used it for a couple days and all looks really good! Going to hold on to it for an as needed basis. Poor Tum Tum.
Turkey was good otherwise and it was good to see some family on my side of the woods. I made a cheesecake and some salad. My AUnt made an awesome cheezy corn casserole thingie that I couldn't get enough of!
Pardon me if I loose my thoughts...Madie has the worse gas in the world right now...
SO anyhoo..Yeah Turkey was good. I missed CT family very much...I try to not think to hard about it...but I did. I will see my side of family again in a few weeks for Christmas party. May leave madie home for that one...VERY busy.
oh m gee our wish trip is BOOKED. A LIMO will come pick us up at FOUR AM~ eeeek! We catch a plane at 6am and arrive about noon..stopping in Baltimore for an hour. (sorry got distracted by the mail) It is still hard to believe that this trip is real. Im just blown away that we got it.
In other news hoping to get Madies new ride soon! Im hoping before Christmas so she can go back to school after break in style :) Its so cool! Ill keep ya posted on that!
SO this mama is tired today. Hangin in there I suppose. One day at a time. I want love in my life so badly I ache. I want to be hugged and kissed and thought the world of... I don't want to be this tired mom who is lonely anymore. :( Don't get me wrong the love of friends and family is one thing..I have all that. But like I said who am I if I am not his wife and madies mom...? And I was content with that. But now what can I do? Dynamics are all screwy... I hate it. But I must carry on.
Heres a picture of my lil bug from the last time we went strolling thru town..some of the last warm days before it got chilly. and a couple of lil silly nilly. :) She loves outside! I miss the open windows and the warm breeze.
Hope everyone is well and hangin in there.
Ill try to get a good blog in this weekend while I can focus better. lol I don't know why I cant separate my paragraphs! sorry!