Pumpkins. New Rides and Rambles

((palms rubbing eyes))


Winter is coming..this fall has been beautiful visually but has not been gradual... Its cold. Its just too dang cold.

Hello. lol
Put in an order for Madies new ride...Im so excited for this awesome new STURDY ride!The hardware is going to be this awesome candy pink purple color with a black seat and pink accents...OH yes...we are going gurly. She fits great into it and we made a few changes that they will customize for her..(we saw a sample)I also like how it will have breaks in the handle that will help when its winter and slippery and mom needs to get catch her footing. lol Has a lot of cool little features. I like it a lot.
Also in medical news.. seizures are seizures have not changed really...same frequency and some mornings the drop seizures just are relentless. But she is happy and doing well for the most part. Also going in on Nov 3 to get Madies peg tube replaced with the mickey button. FINALLY. so tired of that dang thing getting pulled... Im a little nervous that it has to be such a process...like putting her to sleep and booking an O.R.. thought it was going to be a simple thing..Well it is simple but they have to do it in an O.R..five minutes tops and no pain meds will be needed like the dreaded morphine. WHEW.
Also our Make a wish vacation is chugging along...Its been proven IMPOSSIBLE to get dad to come with me to get Madies passport ordered... I am exhausted from asking him..but it makes me nervous that this trip wont happen! AND OH IT WILL> I may just go drive to his place one day and be like SURPIRSIE its passport day!! Ugh.To Be continued....

((scratching head))
Been feeling ok in general..depressed sometimes...but keep on keepin on. I always miss Madie so much on weekends and wish I had her to do things with on weekends but if Dad is not in the picture I just need the break..and he adores her. she adores him! I ache a lot for...that feeling in my heart to go away..for my heart to feel full. If that makes any sense.. A piece is missing. And some weirdo from a date website or a bar is not going to fill that...
Ok really done talking about that.

A picture from our trip to the pumpkin patch. Every year I am determined to support the local farm of course but to mostly get pictures of Madie in the patch every year! I even got her on the hayride and left her chair at the farm stand and carried her thru the patch to find our pumpkin. These kind of things I miss so much doing as a family. The things that I treasured the most. Trips with the three of us. Major Holidays are the WORSE.
Id also like to thank the people on the hayride for watching me struggle to get back on the ride carrying a wiggly immobile child and a large pumpkin...and not grab the pumpkin for me..sigh..

Heres a pic from our trip to the lake to see cousins :) last of the warm gorgeous days! And a picture from a walk we took by the river..just cause its purdy.

I think my hair is seriously getting thinner...like really. lol. haven't had my hair done in a long long time..:( Not much of a reason to blow 120 bucks..
Been getting a lot of help in poorville..lol I even have a food pantry available to me if I need it..and I tell ya when I have no money for groceries and checks are bouncing all over the place and I have negative 66 bucks in the bank...the Pantry is a godsent!! I have also been doing volunteer work at this awesome place that does food and clothing..I get such a huge joy seeing the ladies come in and snag a gap sweater...lol or an adorable baby outfit for the baby that is still in their belly :)! such awesome places exist if you need them! they give madie diapers every month and have also told me about the diaper bank which I have yet to check out! Takes such a load off and helps me rest easy. I also kinda secretly enjoy my volunteer work..lol sometimes they give me fresh produce from the farm that has JUST been picked! :)!!
I have a lot of blessings in my life and a lot of things to look forward too...mainly VACATION!! And some days its very hard to keep my head up and stay positive.. I miss a lot of things for sure. I wish for a lot of things for sure..not material things. (although a new laptop would be nice and a million dollars) I have a lot of love in my life..its those (pardon my French)fucking missing pieces that I ache for so very much dragging me down..
I will keep everyone updated on how things go with madies new ride and her tubie change too. keep us in your thought. donations are welcome. (IM KIDDING!)
(((hugs)))

me