Monday, October 14, 2013

Picking up the pieces...carrying on.

Here I am. Yep.

Well It was surreal. Giving him what he wanted. Freedom from family. freedom from Marriage obligations. freedom from the love we had once shared. I lost my best friend that day. It only took but 15 minutes.... All but a couple weeks later he was back with his affair....a 24 year old girl. Good Luck to her for snagging her man. I feel like she had some kind of life that is better than being a family and trying to mend a marriage.....OH you mean a FANTASY??
I feel empty.. Its me and Madie now. Yep we make a pretty good team. She has been a great trooper thru all the changes and the lugging back and forth from households.... I wont sugar coat it when I say it is shitty. The whole thing never made sense to me... I just held on to a past that had began when I was 18.....meeting my future husband and becoming great friends...getting into trouble together and eventually love... I grew up with him. When he proposed to me I was the happiest woman alive! It was quite a rock that is for sure! He romanced me thru and thru.... I was sold. When I married him I was so nervous before I walked down the aisle and when I saw him at the altar looking so handsome I KNEW that nothing was going to come between us...we were invincible. I married my best friend hands down. All Marriages go thru crap...but man oh crap just took the cake. And he left. Over a year of fights and tears and affairs and practically begging to work things out. I felt that my glue as the wife and mom was not strong enough to keep my family together. I have to let him do his own thing I guess... and I pray someday that he has regret and remorse for leaving me and Madie.... I pray that there is love out there for me..a good man who loves me for all my flaws and loves my Madie. Or maybe even mended love for us... :(

I really don't want to talk about it anymore.... I am trying to mend myself in many ways right now. cant promise anything but one day at a time is the slogan.

Madie is doing well in her first grade class...she is among her peers and handles each day which is LONG like a trooper... its very busy... she gets time away for her therapies and for her feedings but other than that is in the class and they all love her. I cannot ask for a safer place to leave my madie. :) Today she has off for Columbus day and has been a sick girl today...sleepyhead and liquid diapers. YUM. (oh just took a liquid diaper change break...)
I have not been able to blog cause I really just don't know what to talk about I guess... I am hanging in there best I can and I have the sweetest little girl near me I get to see and hear her each day and watch her grow...and loose teeth! already 4 teeth down! LOL Today days later I found the 4th one right by her blanket. My Toothless Wonder. We all love her so much and she is so blessed to have a wonderful family and so am I! SO supportive of me and not leaving my side.
I cant say I look forward to the Holidays...they will be depressing only if I make them depressing! GOtta work out between everyone what the plans are...for now I look forward to getting my pumpkin and trick or treats.
Hope everyone is well.
I wish it was my birthday when birthday checks come in the mail. lol

XOXO Blogger World.


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