Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Its goin!

Ok here goes...im getting alot of error messages and typing on a teeny tablet keyboard...my awesome mother in law gave me this lil tablet to get me by with no laptop..which I broke the screen on! Each time I get all excited to buy pretty new Dell laptop a bill doubles or more bills come and I get swamped and it becomes no way in hell that I will get a laptoop...and by no means is it the tablet failing me its my joke of an internet provider..lol
Anyhoo... all is going in the ville..Madie is compleatly off her keto diet and I cant say I am jumping for joy about this cause it really helped her seizures..poor baby girl has a big one every week like clockwork...every week. The bottom line was she was not growing..her weight had stayed the same for year! It was kinda scary...we went and exhausted our options and it came down to G-Tube in her belly or no more diet...It was very frustraiting..I felt alone in the decision but knew that I was not alone at same time...I know Miles does not want to give her the G-Tube and I dont blame him...I want to give Madie a chance OFF the diet very badly but to see seizures is so hard..When I am here alone and its 3 am and she is seizing I am literally sleepwalking into her room and i turn the music on and make sure she is covered up and her diaper is dry then let her ride it out...sometimes I goy back to bed cause Ijust dont want to watch and I am sleepwalking.... sometimes if it hapends earliere I sit with her and comfort her till she falls back asleep...then I get sad...nd I thinka I am comforting her who is comforting me? The cat?:(I become resent full twards Miles and its not fair. seizures aren't fair! Its no ones fault she has seizures..
.
Madie has been doing OK..hoping the illnesses are behind her..this winter is still going I CT and I am trying not to loose hope in Spring and Summer....hoping we have a season that is longer than a week..bah.When Madie gets sick she usually ends up on antibiotics to nip it in the butt after one too many days of being sick. Poor kiddo.
She has been good lately...happy and drinking her Boost well..knock on wood!
Miles and I are OK too... Its complicated sometimes but I still love him and worry about the jerk sometimes...lol I still don't really understand him....he puts himself into work and still sees Madie every weekend with ocasional ski trip or Sunday flight out to the windy city...but we are always in touch. Its complicated. Lol
Anyhoo...its all quiet here and I'm kinda lost in my thoughts...maybe I do isolate myself a lot..maybe I have big fear of letting people in..with fears of rejection! Or would my therapist say I have Abandonment Issues! Yep. Maybe I am protective of my world...maybe I just want a simple life with family and lots of love...Is that needy of me? :/
Hope everyone is well... no sickies and dreams of spring hay fever..lol Gonna make a late corn beef dinner this week and hoping to break out of isolation as well.Whos hungry? Just me and kiddo Friday night as Miles is going to a fundraiser that raises money to dig fresh water wells to Africa! I asked him if he would go to Africa on this mission and he said hes not gonna pay to go there on his own dime...lol I told him he better get shots in case he digests the poo water...yup. it went on..LOL
Alrighty....typing is getting tricky on this lil thing...glad I could get a few blabs out today. Till next Time.
me.

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