Tuesday, October 7, 2014


The Tribe has spoken I am here typing another blog!
Alot has been going on in my world! My little love is a second grader now and pretty happy at her school :) The summer was good I did not put the AC on but once! I dont really know what to type today I guess I have just been kinda in my own world lately..
We have finally come to a crossroads with Madies Ketogenic Diet...This gal is not gaining the weight that she needs to be gaining...Its down to GAIN or TUBE in her tummy to make the food go down.. OR take her off the Diet and then what? Pediasure? Make her go hungry till she will eat solids?? Add Canola oil to her Keto shakes? She is supposed to drink FOUR Keto sippies...12 oz each EVERY day..I am lucky if I get three. Pushed for some time and extra month...Nurtritonist says that we are to get THREE ketos down madies hatch PLUS one Pediasure each day. Ok OK Ok Im going to try this but at same time its scary... I feel like all that sugar in that Pediasure is the worse thing I can give her. AND if she doesnt gain some weight on this regiment than its OFF the diet and even talk of changing her medicine that she has been on for years! :( Oh like the Depakote even works after the Diet was introduced...But who wants to risk doing that? I am NOT going for a ride on the lets try this med and that med Train AGAIN..more drugs in my baby girl..:( And who says that going off diet will have terrible results?? Do we risk it? what do I feed her? Doctor wont approve Ketocal anymore if we take her off..and pediasure full time? Oh Lord..Will Madie get into eating foods? Something more than a couple spoonfuls? :( Oh my Baby girl..
Its been little over a year since that day in court when I left the room with my Maiden name in hand...I cant say its been an amazing year but I am certainly stronger and more independent than I was..Even went on couple of dates with very nice guys..one we chatted all night and had a great ol time..I just did not feel that way about him..but hey whatever. Am I over my divorce? Nope. Am I over him? Nope. Do I want to commit to anyone right now? Nope. The two of us are in an ok place I suppose...we dont scream at each other or hate each other..I dont really understand him sometimes when he says sweet things or texts me good night...He MUST know that I MISS him SO much....that doing this whole single mom thing is so hard without him by my side..Is their guilt? Is there part of him that still loves me? Does he think we are going to be best pals?
Sigh... but for the life of me I wont tell him to stop even if I am left disapointed in the end... I knew he was the one for me for so long and now its no longer what he wants...so yep...
ONE day at a time.
In other news...I am going to get my day going I am loosing motivation here..Gonna be a long few weeks with Dad traveling and madie home early on weekends...hoping to get a good trip to the Pumpkin Patch in next week! And my Baby girl will be 8 on the 20th!! Maybe have a couple folk over for dinner if anyone is around..dunno yet. Oh and the Cat is still alive. Please just say a few prayers for Madie and even for her mama..keep our heads up and keep on keepin on.

1 comment:

Reagan Leigh said...

I know Maddie is a much better eater than Reagan ever was, but honestly, getting her g-tube was the best thing we ever did! I used to spend hours upon hour strung to get formula down her throat! Time I could've spent with her, nonstop worrying about her weight and dehydration! It also made giving her meds a breeze! I know it seems like a step in the wrong direction, but I haven't heard one family say it was a mistake and most day they wish they would've done it sooner!!