Thursday, November 14, 2013

Holidays shmolidays

I was hoping to spit out a blog while Madie napped but I fool myself into thinking that she really naps for any extended period of time anymore.. She has had early days at school the past three days due to teacher conferences which we went to ours on Wednesday and after PPT I did not feel like there was much left to talk about and there really wasn't. Oh well. Madie fell asleep..head back and mouth wide open the whole time. It was pretty funny.
I cant say I have been up to much spent a ton on backed up bills and overdue bills that were late etc etc...but that is all caught up now. New Tires are a go and full oil tank to keep us warm is a go. Other than that well...yeah bought some new clothes and nice pair of boots. BUT behaving myself. lol
Madie is well. She has not lost any more teeth YET and continues to grow and be a joy at her school. They LOVE her there. I am so thankful I don't have to move away to another town... I miss my family these days...on both sides. I hope to get out to Jersey to see my side for Christmas "Before" Christmas Party...And get together with the CT side as well for Turkey and or Christmas Dinners. No one knows turkey plans yet. To be continued. lol :) I feel so blessed that I am welcome at either place. I just love all my family so much and don't know what I would have done without all their support I am just glad I was not disowned! :O
Holidays are Tough I wont lie. We used to get each other cool presents and get up super early cause we couldn't wait to see what the other would do Once we joked about Beef Logs being terrible presents and I got one for him in his stocking and the cat found it and tore it up.. talk about GROSS. and our tree was flooded with ornaments that all had stories...I remember the first tree we has was so skinny and the cat would try to knock it over! we were going to get rid of all the "balls" and have all unique ones.. ALOT of ones with our names and dates.. :( Used to go to store each year and get a new one it was fun. I will still proudly hang them on my tree cause they are precious. I love Christmas lights too and our small tree always looks so pretty.
I held on to the good times I wont lie but it was not enough.
It sucks. I miss my home and being a family and being married and having that safe haven...warm and loving.. If that makes any sense....Trying to see the lighter side of all this has been very hard without getting sad or angry at the world. One day at a time. Its all I can do. I hope forgiveness finds me someday. But now it has not.
I can ask him a bunch of times if he is happy and he cannot answer me... I can ask if this was all worth it and he cannot answer me... Maybe its really not that green on the other side of the grass eh? Who knows. I don't even know his address anymore. Although I can get that thru Madies school if I do need it...Just sayin.
I dunno.... Just another day. Dont mean to make this depressing!! Its pretty dang cold out there and I am VERY tempted to buy a new down comforter LEVEL 3 warmth for my bed. BRRRR One more day closer to Spring I say! As the snow approaches and the wind picks up out there the sun continues to shine and I wake up to a new day still breathing so things have to take a better turn right?? I feel like some Beef Stew tonight which I have never made in my life sadly...BUT I will tonight! Im a pretty good cook so it cant be that bad!
Hugs to all my blogger and all there little ones.
Me & Madie-san

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